Last Tango in York

Last Tango in York

No time to breathe, pulse racing

mind still dressing, heart pounding

She glides into place, elegant, waiting

I catch my breath and take my place.

I have nothing to prove, no one to impress

so why does my heart swell, why do I care?

She makes me graceful, I feel like a star

feet move, try to keep up, don’t break the spell

Halfway comes, we stand in place

my hands on hers, and hers on mine

there is no resistance, is this what it feels like?

Acceptance

In my head this is practiced, planned and perfect

every step, every turn, every pose.

My heart however sees so much more

the role of a lifetime in less than two minutes.

The clock strikes midnight and the spell is over

I turn and go leaving her there, the last time.

This is not love nor lust nor anything named

For me, forever, this was my moment.

Still just Me.

Roughly 18 years ago I did something that changed my life, it was a turning point for me in so many ways and it has continued to shape my life since… and although you may be thinking “Oh that’s when you met your Wife” you would be wrong, meeting Megan tops this one by a long shot but it is still significant.

Shortly after meeting my now wife for the first time I was driving a friend back to his house and I was telling him all about my trip, I told him how we had a huge argument about something and it was almost the end of our relationship. He asked me what was so bad that caused the argument…. my reply was “I told her I’m Bisexual”. My friends mouth fell open, “You?” he said, you see up until that point no one knew that I was Bi (with the exception of my now wife) and the impression I had given everyone was that I was very much the lover of the female form, and quite vocal about it LOL.

But that wasn’t the bit that changed my life really, it was what happened next. My friend told me he was Gay, right there in the car… he had never told anyone else, I was the first and I said “That’s cool”.

Doesn’t seem like much typed out when I think about it, but looking back on it I see it asa pivotal moment, I came out and allowed my friend to come out. Not only did I realize that I could now be open and honest with him… but that they could do the same with me.

I wouldn’t say I have made a big deal about being Bi, I’m sure my Mum knows even though I have never said (mums are like that), those who know me well enough I think are aware, those who don’t know me that well probably won’t be that shocked either. What does this mean to anyone who was unaware, Nothing! nothing at all… I’m exactly the same person, still madly in love with my Wife and Kids… still mad about Dr. Who and Sci-Fi.

O’Neill

O’Neill

My Big Boss Kitty, there are no words
that can truly tell how I will miss you, you came into our
lives as suddenly as you left but now there is
a hole where there was none before.

You were my Snuggle cat, my Needy kitty
and although I sometimes shunned your attention
it is what I will miss the most.

You bought a love into my life that I was never expecting,
a bond I never thought I would share with a cat.
You taught me otherwise, the way you would snuggle on me
at the end of my work day, rub against my leg to greet me,
and steal a head rub from my still hand.

You are one of the smartest, kindest creatures I have met.
your brothers will miss you as much as I, but you have taught
them well and they have been there for me in your absence.

Thank you my friend for all you have done for me,
thank you for being the Big Boss Kitty for your family
and for bringing Chuck to us and although he
has assumed your position as head snuggler
I feel that you bought him to us for that reason and
that in some way you have asked him to take care
of me till we meet again.

We all miss you Grey Dog but know that
someday we will meet again and snuggle.

Goodbye my friend.

It is a strange world.

This week I hit bottom…. a funk so low it was unbearable, unfortunately (or fortunately) there were things to be done… a podcast, work, soccer practice… and the world hasn’t gotten around to accepting depression as a valid excuse for not showing up.

Part of this leads me to my 2^nd point, the reason why it’s not accepted is that to most people depression is just seen as a bad mood, a simple “Chin Up”, “Snap out of it” is all you really need. In a way I can’t blame them… unless you’ve been there… it hard to know what to do.

The reason I bring this up is that I finally found someone who could actually talk me out of my funk, not a psychologist… not a Doctor, and not from that warm fuzzy person with the outgoing disposition that everyone seems to have somewhere in their lives.

It came from someone in the same position as myself… we talked for over an hour, discussing our moods, swapping stories… and raising each others spirits. The experience was enlightening to say the least, I hadn’t even considered that what I really needed was to talk to someone not only who had experienced depression… but who was in a funk at the time.

Thank you… your a life saver 🙂

Nothing Important

Well here I go into my first official blog post, don’t even know where it’s going… but maybe that’s a good thing.

It’s been a weird week between one thing and another, I’m finally getting back on track at work which is good, it was looking a little dicey there for a while.
My emotions have been way out of whack for some reason but I think I’m getting a handle on it, this week I went to a new Improv group which is a good thing, reception on the new poem was good and also therapeutic to be able to perform it.
I think I need this Improv group in my life, I’m so sick of the local theater scene and need an outlet that isn’t so restrictive… I mean how many shows can one do for a population of retirees who don’t want to hear swearing… or see something that doesn’t mesh with their religion.
It really becomes quite stifling after a while.

So I’m taking a break… working as Stage Manager for only one director, she’s the only one I could work with as she is a great friend and the only reason I am doing anything with the Players.

On a very separate tangent… I witnessed a win for social networking on Friday as Twitter took on Jan Moir… And WON! I won’t drag the story onto here there are plenty of places to check it out. But my hat is off to Stephen Fry and sooo many others who saw something wrong in this world and did something about it.

Well I think that about wraps it up for my first entry… hopefully more will follow 🙂

TheSixthDoctor.

A Poem….

adrenalin, endorphins , dopamine

my new favorite drugs

long time friends, familiar, comforting, exciting

nothing else feels this way

There is no control

no stopping no abating no ending

Would I? if there were a way

no, this is life at it’s core.

I welcome them again with open arms

but guard myself against the crash

the beginning, middle and end, inevitable.

I am a junkie for what they offer.

I will let this consume me

wash over me, cleanse me, invigorate me

while my heart belongs to only one

my mind is free to imagine and soar.